My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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