you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
