: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
