Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
