it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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