then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
