Swine flu. Run for my life!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
