sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
