You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this just has baby written all over it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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