Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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