marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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