best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize