The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
