i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
