Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
