covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
