My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
