I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
