So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
