Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
