The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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