saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
