Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
