I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
