I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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