Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
