Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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