About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
