CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
