im six kinds of drunk right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
