I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize