it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
