come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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