so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
