one might say we're banned from that church
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
