Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
