I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
