Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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