Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize