no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
