Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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