I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
