$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just puked most of my soul out..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
