Michael Bay diarrhea
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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