Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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