If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
