I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize