You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
