i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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