Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
