We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
