My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
