we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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