OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
