dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
