After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
