remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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