at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
