What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
