Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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