No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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