i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
