where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
