Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
