and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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