I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
