so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
