I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
