I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
