I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
