8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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