Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
