She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
