i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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