Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
