She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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