I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
