"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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