I smell stomach acid.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
