did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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