I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
