They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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