What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
